Items- List of consumable items. Can also be used for upgrades. But thats another matter for another time.

 

"FINAL FANTASY XII" Potion: Yech. What kind kind of fucked up marketing failure is this? It tastes horrible, but it heals HP. What? Recovers 50 HP.

 

Potion- Drinking this mysteriously heals your wounds. How does that work? Recovers 30% of HP.

 

Better Potion- Obviously this potion is better. I wonder what crazy ass shit is in it. Recovers 60% of HP.

 

ACME Potion- The ultimate potion made by ACME itself. Smells like gunpowder. I don't feel like drinking it, I bet it tastes like shit. Recovers 100% of HP.

 

Magic Water- Its water, but its magical! Its so sparkly! Recovers 30% of MP.

 

Magic Juice- Its magical juice. Juice > Water. Obviously this is more effective. It even tastes nice. Recovers 60% of MP.

 

Magic Soda- The ultimate. Soda is the best drink evar. Don't disagree with me you stupid water and juice drinkers. Recovers 100% of MP.

 

Subarashii no Tea- Fabulous Tea. Its not ordinary tea. The tea leaves were magical and brewed in a magical pot! Magic is the perfect explaination. Recovers 30% of HP and MP.

 

Subarashii no Milk Tea- Fabulous Tea with milk. Not just any milk, its fabulous milk from fabulous cows who eat fabulous grass. Of course this fabness is also magical. Recovers 60% of HP and MP.

 

Subarashii no Bubble Milk Tea- What happens when you add fabulous magical gummy bubbles to the already oh so fabulous milk tea? It makes it ultra mega fabulous with is bubbly power. Its also fabulous with lots of magical love. So fabulous. Recovers 100% of HP and MP.

 

Strawberry Peach Cordial- A super sweet and delicious drink. Its lovely fruity aroma is enough to make a dead man stand with just a wiff. Re-energizing. Revives a fallen character and restores 30% of HP.

 

Keine Milk: Delicious Milk milked from the magical breasts of the were-Hakutaku Keine. Keine is very cute. No, she is. Cures Magic Lock.

 

Chan's Muscle Balm: This is a cooling balm. Your muscles feel so much looser. It is also very cooling. Hmm, tastes like taffy. Are those insect legs? Cures Muscle Lock.

 

Energy Drink- Oh this drink is so full of energy. The can has legs and is running around. You better hope it doesn't make you waste energy catching it. Recovers 20% of Fatigue.

 

Manly Meat Juice- Get some cows. Mince the cow. Smash minced meat with manly fists. Add bread and water. Boil with corn. Add the sweat of manly men. This meat juice is extremely manly and good for you. Recovers 30% HP and temporarily increases strength.

 

Smashed Brainmeats- Smashed brainmeats of some unknown animal. Looks gooey. Cures Stupidity.

 

Riboflavin Extract- How sensible. Expensive supplements are good for you. Gives Metabolic Boost.

 

Tabasco Sauce- Made from all kinds of chillis. I think theres even wasabi in it. Its very hot. Boiling hot. Flaming hot. IGNITED! Cures Frostbite.

 

Disposable Stungun- A one use black block that delivers an electric shock through these two prongs. You can't recharge this. Its a lame marketting tactic to make you buy more. It can jolt muscles in and out of action. Even works for CPR. Cures Paralysis. Inflicts paralysis on a non-paralysed target.

 

Steroids- Illegal! You will be banned from the Olympics for using them! Also makes you extra hairy. You might grow additional testicles if you eat too much. Induces Blood Boil.

 

Herbal Tea- You suddenly feel sober after drinking this. Cures Drunk.

 

Fire Gem- Increases Fire Resistance temporarily.

 

Water Gem- Increases Water Resistance temporarily.

 

Earth Gem- Increases Earth Resistance temporarily.

 

Wind Gem- Increases Wind Resistance temporarily.

 

Ether Gem- Increases Ether Resistance temporarily.

 

Demon Gem- Increases Demon Resistance temporarily.

 

Instant Curry- How delicious. So very tasty. Increases all stats by a little temporarily.

 

Home Made Curry- Made by a cute little girl in a kawaii apron. Its even more tasty. Increases all stats temporarily.

 

Super Chef Made Curry- Made by a cute little master chef girl in nothing but a kawaii apron. Increases all stats by quite alot temporarily.

 

Very Delicious Curry Bread: Oh My God this Curry Bread is so delicious. If thrown at Ciel, she will DIE OF MOE CURRY LOVE. Increases all stats by 1(permanently)

 

Tin of Night Sparrow Meat: A tin of night Sparrow meat. It's very tasty. Used to make Mystiaburgers, but don't let Hetdegon catch you in the act. Heals "Blind".

 

Bad Hentai: Bad porn. You rather get raped by tentacles than look at this. Oh so very bad. If you enjoy it, stab yourself in the eyes, chop your penis off and then boil it. Provokes and blinds target.

 

Good Hentai: Good porn. You must have good taste. If you don't enjoy it, stab yourself in the eyes, chop your penis off and then boil it. Increases Adrenaline by 10%.

 

Strange Potion: Marisa made this. Ingesting it might cause you to grow a penis. Increases Strength temporially(sic).

 

Hourglass- Once you turn it, everything looks sooo slow. Woah, you can dodge bullets like the Matrix. Halves ATB Bar regeneration for everyone except the user.

 

Icey Cold Drink- So icey. So cold. Who cares what it is. Its nice and freezingly cold with an avenging coolness. So refreshing. Cures Blood Boil, Spontaneous and Internal Combustion. Halves Fire Attribute attacks for a while.

 

Mallet- You can throw this mallet. It hurts so very much. Also called the Baka Hammer 40k. Cures Confusion, Berserk, Charmed and Provoked. Inflicts light physical damage.

 

Crack- So tasty. You can sniff this. Mmmm. I suddenly feel so happy. Induces High.

 

Brain: Don't know what my brain is for, I used to but I don't no more. Increases Intelligence.

 

Napalm: Flammable stuff. Ignites on contact. Oh so flammable. Its so cool. I mean hawt. Inflicts light fire damage.

 

Burning Finger: A flaming finger. This must have been in a legendary battle. Of legendary proportions. Where legendary people called out the legendary names of their legendary moves. Inflicts moderate fire damage.

 

Orb of Wind Blades: A man once thought, what if I used my sword and fired alot of Wind blades into a little orb for later use? I might get exhausted and it will be useful. Well it worked. I don't know how. Break to release sharp razor winds of slashiness. Inflicts light wind damage.

 

Box of Typhoon: A man once thought, what if I contained a typhoon in a box and used it as a weapon? You know what? It also worked. Inflicts moderate wind damage.

 

Water Balloon: This is no ordinary water balloon. It uses a vector trap to compress space so theres alot higher water pressure in there. And alot more water. And it hurts! Inflicts light water damage.

 

Disposable Super Soaker: This is a magical water gun which fires water at a high enough pressure to break even rocks. Too bad its not refillable. Bastages. Inflicts moderate water damage.

 

Lamp: Is there a genie in there? Its a lie. Theres a demon. It will hurt you. Inflicts light demon damage.

 

Sealed Capsule: Wee! Capsule Toys! WATCH OUT! ITS A TRAP! Contains an even greater demon. Hurts bad. Inflicts moderate demon damage.

 

Rosary: Its not an ordinary necklace. When you throw it, it unleashes holy might. And then disintegrates. Inflicts light ether damage.

 

Holy Hand Grenade: Its the will of the gods! Divine Punishment! Holy Justice! SUBARASHII! The will of good. Oh so holy. Has a shiny silver pin too. How nice. Inflicts moderate ether damage.

 

Fusion Battery: Used as a power source. Its very high tech. Yes. So very high tech. But you have nothing to power. So you can overload it and make it blow up. Inflicts low non elemental damage.

 

Reactor Core: Used as a power source. Its even more high tech than the Fusion Battery. You can overload it and make it blow up. But bigger. Inflicts moderate non elemental damage.

 

Bag of Sand: Magical sand gathered from a magical desert. Why, this sand is so magical you can't see when I blow it into your eyes. Inflicts Blind.

 

Pepper Spray: High Pressure Pepper Spray. It causes great agony when sprayed at face. Also makes you sneeze and cough. Tastes good with soup. Inflicts Blind and Confusion.

 

Cement Mix: Add water and toss. Good for sticking things together. Hardness incarnate. Inflicts Petrification.

 

Smirking Rottweiler: This unstoppable force that delievers my hand to my wallet extracts all my hard-earned dinero and casts it to the smirking rottweilers. Increases money drop.

 

Homemade Health Drink: Smells horrible, tastes horrible... but it was made by the cute girl next door ! You can't escape from this one ! Causes trauma for 2 turns, but gains metabolic boost afterwards. Just don't ask what the ingredients are.

 

Muscle Juice- Juice made from the grinded muscles of macho people. No macho people were killed in making this juice. This doesn't mean they are not in great pain. Doubles strength temporarily.

 

Essence of Goth: Wow perfume. I feel like killing myself after sniffing it. But I also feel like sniffing it some more. I wonder if I can smell if I'm dead. Small chance of killing the target.

 

Grass in Bong: Grass in a disposable bong. You can smoke it. Makes your nose itch. But it feels oh so very good. Induces High. Might induce Paralysis.

 

Orb of Sodomy: A crazy invention of DG's. It is called an orb only to please it's maker. In reality, it looks more like a dildo than an orb. Inflicts "Trauma" to one enemy.

 

Electrical Ball: A high tech gadget. Looks very cool. It makes a good bedside lamp. Be careful, theres a button that makes it explode with lightning bolts. Does light wind damage and has a small chance to inflict paralysis.

 

Dry Ice: A block of frozen carbon dioxide. You can freeze water with this! Add a fan and you get an aircon. It also hurts when thrown. Does light water damage and has a small chance to inflict frostbite.

 

Bowl of Lava: A bowl of hot lava. You can boil water with this! Makes a good oven. Warms you up on a nice frosty day. Throw for pain. Does light fire damage and has a chance to inflict Spontaneous Combustion.

 

Nature's Breath: A bag of natural substances. It smells very good. Wow, I feel dizzy. Does light earth damage and has a chance to inflict Poison.

 

XL87 Disposable Plasma Pistol: A high tech pistol. Can only fire one shot though. Shoots a nice stream of bright energy. The plasma hurts alot and is very traumatising. Does light non elemental damage and has a small chance to inflict Trauma.

 

Kawaii Gothloli Doll: It is very cute. People will love you for this present. But its very hard to part with it. Inflicts Charm.

 

Sunshine Peanut Butter Milkshake Jelly Bean: Magical. Tasty. Special. And oh so very tasty. Mmmmm. Yum. Aaaaah. I feel warm and tingly. Cures ALL status effects. Positive or negative. But this is very rare and expensive. Oh so very rare.

 

Sticky...stuff: A vial of sticky...stuff whose origin is not discernable at this point of time. You feel the need to contribute to it's making. Slows one target, but you sense a disturbance in the Force, as if a million vocces cried out and were silenced at the same time.

 

Elvis Porn: 'cause Elvis Porn is what you viewed, There he was, completely in the nude, Strumming his guitar, quivering his lips, Singing in the microphone and shaking his hips. Oh, Elvis Porn, holy guacamole. The big fat buck naked king of rock and roll, he was devoid of any clothes, with his naughty bits exposed. If you show this to your grandma, she might die with glee. Inflicts Trauma and has a small chance to inflict "High" and kill.

 

Magical Fruit: A magical fruit of some kind taken from the Forest of Magic...wait a second, it's trying to eat YOU? Summons a crazy little fruit that explodes after a while.